Argthtjtr

No. The apostrophe is not what makes a possessive. It marks (slightly by accident) the old genitive case -es ending, which is not the route that "I" follows.

The correct version of the noun phrase argument is "My wife and my," and it's actually the right thing to use in this particular case because it implies we are talking about a joint effort between my wife and myself. "My wife's and my" implies that each of us made separate efforts. The point is a bit moot when discussing a singular thing (the seafood collaboration dinner), but still.

The Wikipedia article on the possessive apostrophe discusses this in more depth.

I am married, I share things with my spouse for instance, a house. But there are some things we don't share.

For example I have a small blue Fiat car while my spouse has a green Jaguar sports car. If I were to express this idea using the same construction as in the OP's question, I would obtain the following:

1. My wife and I's car.


2. My wife and I's cars.


3. My wife's blue car and I's green car.

Clearly all these sentences are grammatically incorrect, but sentences No.1 and No.2 are also inaccurate and ambiguous. The first sentence is false because my spouse and I each have a car. The second example is ambiguous because it implies that we have in possession an unspecified number of cars. Sentence No.3 is at least accurate in the sense it is clear that each person possesses a different vehicle.

A grammatically correct phrase would be “My wife's blue (Fiat) car.” The possessive apostrophe follows the noun phrase my wife. E.g. “My wife's name is Penny.”

If, however, we want to maintain the noun phrase, my wife and I, we could say:

• My wife and I both own a car

or better still, as recommended by @fixer1234

• My wife and I each own a car

The above sentence is grammatical and acceptable. It is clear that we both possess a vehicle. If we apply the same determiner (both) and verb to the seafood collaboration dinner we obtain

My wife and I both own a seafood collaboration dinner

A sentence which sounds very peculiar to say the least. Therefore the original sentence

My wife and I's seafood collaboration dinner

cannot be talking about possession as implied by the possessive apostrophe.

I suspect that the original author wanted to say something along the lines of:

• My wife and I are invited to a seafood collaboration dinner.


• My wife and I have been invited to a seafood collaboration dinner.


• My wife and I are preparing a seafood collaboration dinner.
  
  (We are the ones cooking)


• My wife and I are having a seafood collaboration dinner.
  
  (We are organising the event)

The simple rule of thumb I learned for this case:

Remove the 'other' and leave the I/me part. If it sounds right with only the I/Me part then the sentence is correct for the standard use of English.

I's seafood collaboration dinner. How does it look?

or

(I's/) My seafood collaboration dinner. How does it look?

presto! instant easy.

see also:

Do you think this is right for Angela and I? *

Do you think this is right for I? *

Do you think this is right for Angela and me?

Do you think this is right for me?

Do you think this is right for Angela and myself? *

Do you think this is right for myself? *

So I asked, "Do I think this is right for myself"?

Items with * are generally considered not-correct

For the previous commentators: Indeed, genetive case would not call for the use of the word "I," which is nominative, used as ONLY a subject (without exception) not as an object.

To answer your question SIMPLY:

I = active (subject)
I - it is the one that DOES something.

Any other reference wherein something BELONGS to someone (to me) or IS DONE TO someone (to me) is objective case requiring the use of "me."

Me - passive/inactive
Me - it is always the one that SOMETHING IS DONE TO

Sadly, especially in certain reality TV, the average American has realized the notion of NOT USING "Me" as a subject. i.e. "Me and my friend are going to the store." This is great, however, what they have quickly and simply concluded is that the use of "Me" is always to be avoided.

If you're ever confused about WHICH pronoun to use, "I" or "Me" when another person is also involved (with you), i.e.:

"It was given to my wife and to me."
"My friend and I went to the store."

REMOVE the "AND" and one of the persons. Just as you would never say, "It was given to I."... you would also never say, "Me went to the store.

Similary, you absolutely cannot use "I" in "My wife & I's dinner..." ("I" IS nominative/subjective case.) You can REMOVE one of the characters and test the sentence. But, in this particular case, you must REPHRASE the sentence, using "OF" in place of the "'s" (they are equivalent to each other indicating POSSESSION, hence, the possessive pronoun (of))

"Both my dinner and that of my wife were delicious. Both of our dinners were great." "My wife's dinner and mine were great." We cannot always, not in every instance, put together a set of words or phrases correctly in English without rephrasing them.

BUT, we can, indeed, easily learn when to use "my/mine" instead of "I's," which is 100% incorrect and an abomination within English useage.

You only use "I" when you are active, when YOU are the one who is DOING something. You cannot make "I" into a possessive pronoun that replaces "my/mine."

Lastly, check out PREPOSITIONS and don't be afraid of them. Although there are roughly 50-70, the most frequently used ones to note are: of, with, in, for, from, above, around, beyond, under, etc.) You need not memorize them... you will instantly know them in the future if you create sentences with them, using "I" and "Me" by themselves. Later, you can add another person to the sentence "I" or "me") - and you WILL KNOW which to use! ;-) ... both of you living happily ever after.